So I normally do a post about how my life has been going, and then I do a Q&A with questions sent from random strangers, or friends, or my kids. And, though I do have a lot to update y’all on regarding my life. I got a few questions anonymously emailed to me and I decided to dedicate this post to questions only. Though prayer for me to get this job in July are definitely appreciated!!!
Okay, here goes.
QUESTION #1: IS IT OKAY TO HAVE SEX WHEN YOU’RE 14???
The person that emailed this question didn’t state whether they we’re male or female. They also asked me to ‘not use the Bible’ as a reference in my response. But that’s kind of difficult for me. So I’ll give you the response from both a biblical, and a worldly point of view. The answer is no. Biblically, you should wait until marriage to have sex. I’ve had arguments with people about this situation, because if you ask me, I’ll tell you to wait, then you’ll ask if I’m waiting, and I didn’t. My situation was complicated, though. Overall, my response when counseling anyone about having sex before marriage is to ask a simple question. ‘Are you ready to be a parent?’ that’s what it comes down to. Are you ready, at 14, to be a parent? Because that’s the risk you run. Yes, there’s contraception. But what if that fails? Are you ready to spend the rest of your life taking care of another being? Providing food, shelter, clothing, healthcare? Because honestly, even at 24, I’m not ready for that! At 14, are you with a person that you’re willing to share a life with? Every time you have sex, you run the risk of pregnancy, STD’s, and though it sounds silly, but getting your heartbroken. Every time you have sex, that’s a piece of yourself that you’ve shared with someone else. Are you ready for the risk of losing that piece of yourself if your partner decided they wanted to look elsewhere?
So, is it okay to have sex at 14? Following the ways of the world, no. You’re perfectly capable of going through with that. But the age of consent in California is 18. You might be capable of having sex. Basically everyone is. But legally and Biblically, it’s a no-go. If you want to be following God’s plan for your life? I’d recommend that you wait. You’re so special, and God has the perfect person for you! Whether it be the person you’re with now, or someone you don’t meet for several years. That person is out there. And if you’re feeling pressured because of the person you’re with threatening to leave you, or pushing past your boundaries, you need to get out of that relationship. Seriously! If you’re with a person that is pressuring you to agree to have sex, that’s not okay. Get help from an adult that you trust, or even go to the authorities. That’s dangerous, and you’re better than that. I understand thinking that you’re in love with this person, and wanting to be closer to them than any other person. But you’ve got you’re entire life ahead of you. Honestly, if I was with the guy I had feelings for when I was 14, we’d be living in a trailer in the middle of nowhere…Bleh. I know it’s tough to save yourself. I know you think everyone else is having sex, why shouldn’t you? But I can assure you, you’re not the only person remaining abstinent. If, when you’re 18 and legally able to consent, you decide you’re ready to have sex, remember to stop and think about if you’re ready to be a mommy or daddy.
I’m not gonna say to remain abstinent until marriage. I’m not gonna say to have sex when you can legally consent. But I will say to always use protection. And always remember that if you’re with the person God has prepared for you, you won’t be pressured to wait, it will be the most natural wait ever. Because that person wants to respect and love you like the awesome person you are!!❤❤❤
QUESTION #2: IS IT OK TO LISTEN TO REGULAR MUSIC AS A CHRISTIAN?
I listen to so many different varieties of music. My favorite is punk rock. I love listening to bands that actually know how to play their instruments. A lot of the music I’m listening to ends up with me primarily listening to the beat. Yes, I’m aware that the lyrics aren’t always the best. Sometimes there’s curse words. Sometimes the band is disrespecting authority. I don’t plan to stop listening to these songs. But I also don’t let this music impact my everyday life. I’m not out screaming obscenities about the government. Nor am I sleeping with every person I meet. I’m not doing drugs, and clubbing every weekend. I don’t take the music I listen to literally. I also love listening to worship songs. They tend to make my day significantly better. In response to this question, I would say, if the music you’re listening to is causing your heart to stray, maybe check out some other music. I totally understand not wanting to listen to Christian music, because a lot of it is super cheesy. But there are some really good Christian artists out there. I’d recommend going online and googling Christian artists that are similar to bands you like listening to now. And if you have similar tastes to myself, I’d recommend Thousand Foot Krutch, Family force 5, Disciple, and Skillet. They’re awesome bands that I’ve been blessed to see live, several times !!
QUESTION #3: DO YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR AN EX?
I don’t. Honestly, when I think about my exes, there are really no great enough memories, that would cut out the bad stuff I went through with them. There was a reason they didn’t work out, and I’m not going to hold on to something that wasn’t meant to be.
QUESTION #4: I CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND. SHOULD I TELL HIM?
Yes. I was cheated on, and my ex admitted it to me. I used to wonder, if he hadn’t told me, would we still be together? I most likely, would have found out. And we would have broken up in the end. Cheating sucks, and it’s selfish. I don’t really understand why anyone would do it, but I think it’ll hurt more if your partner found out himself, instead of you admitting you did it. It’s a sucky situation to be in. But in the end, you won’t feel as much guilt, and maybe y’all can work through it!
QUESTION #5: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MARRIAGE EQUALITY?
If you didn’t know, This law passed yesterday. I doubt anyone missed it. But I’m not posting this blog post until Monday, because I don’t want to have disagreements on my last day in California. How do I feel about it? I feel as I do every single day. That’s not actually true. I’m mad. But not how you think I’d be. I’m mad about how my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are reacting! As a believer, I have been taught to love others as I would want to be loved. And I’ve done that. Do I believe in marriage equality? In a way, yes. I believe if you love someone, you should be allowed to be with them. I saw so many hateful posts yesterday and today. And I’ve heard so many people use horrifyingly derogatory words about something you have no idea about! Using the f** word, is in the same context as using the n***** word. It doesn’t matter if you’re joking, you should NEVER use those words. They’re disrespectful! And it hurts me! I love my boyfriend. But if I happened to have feelings for a female, that’s okay. My faith in God is more important to me, so I’d most likely remain celibate. I spoke with my mom about this yesterday, but we’ve had this conversation before. She loves me, I am her child! If I had feelings for another female, she wouldn’t disown me. She wouldn’t send me to Bible camp and ‘pray the gay’ out of me. That’s ridiculous! She loves me as I am! Gay. Straight. Black. White. Purple. Yellow. Orange. Whatever! Based on what I’ve seen online, people are acting as though homosexuality means that you’re not a person. That you’re somehow less. And I think that’s total crap! I have family members and good friends that are gay. Does that mean I’m supposed to love them less?? Heck no!! As a Christian, I know what the Bible says. I also know it says to ‘judge not, lest ye be judged’ ( Matthew 7:1)
Overall, this is what I have to say, I don’t support, nor am I against same-sex marriage. I don’t personally care who you love. It grosses me out when anyone makes out in front of me, but I’ve never liked PDA from anyone. I refuse to judge any form of marriage. I saw a friend comment on Facebook that ‘ the government shouldn’t even be involved in marriage’ and I think that’s an awesome point. None of this should have been such a big deal. My question to everyone that is so against this is, why is this such a big deal for you? How does this, in any way, affect you? I’m pretty sure the answer is, it doesn’t. So leave it alone. ‘ Why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to see the beam of wood in your own?’ ( Matthew 7:3)
Pray for everyone, because that’s what you’re called to do. Love everyone, because you’re also called to do that. And if you have hate in your heart. The Bible has the same outcome for you as that which you’re fighting so hard against.
I love you all, and I’m sure I’ll be getting angry calls and texts. I encourage readers to send me their opinions to discuss this further. It’s only through conversation and the exchange of ideas that our personal understanding of the world, and how to bring the Lord’s message to it, can grow. But let’s try to keep it Christian and leave the personal attacks at home. And please, out of respect, don’t go “telling on me to my mommy”. She will not tolerate rudeness.
Alright, so that’s it for my serious Q&A, I still have to do a post about my time in California!! And I’ll do that this coming week!! Love y’all, miss y’all!!!
– Kelsey H.💞💞